ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
