Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
a search helicopter?!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
