On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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