I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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