Sry I called you an 8
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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