It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
