Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
