high people should be assigned attendants
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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