the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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