It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
