I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize