READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
