there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Randomize
