My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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