you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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