just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
