Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
