AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
