Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize