school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
