We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
