Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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