her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
