Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize