Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
