p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
