Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
