RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
