she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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