Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
