She went from zero to smokin in five shots
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
