Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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