Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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