my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
