Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
