the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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