i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
