I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
