she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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