i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's shark week go big or go home
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
