I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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