this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am one with the molecules
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
