well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
