My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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