So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
