One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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