Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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