I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
