hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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