Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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