i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
