She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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