why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize