sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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