oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
