They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
