Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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