i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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