Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
