So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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