look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
