Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
