My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
