don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize