I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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