Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
