Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
