and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
