i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
