So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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