Umm I'm too high to move.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
