Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
