careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
