I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
