i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
