haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
