that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
