Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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