TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she peed on how many people?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
