where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
