he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
should my penis look like a turkey
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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