I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
