So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
