Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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