no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
