I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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