Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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