smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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