Four minutes until I can fart!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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