I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
