She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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